


Buzzed

by LoWritesThings



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: One-Shot, celestial bros, more content for the fandom!, nods to other neil gaiman works, this is really going nowhere but hey, two drunk brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26516965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoWritesThings/pseuds/LoWritesThings
Summary: Dad, the room was really rolling now. Lucifer felt as though he was far out to sea. Maybe there would be whales out there. Big mammals, weren’t they? Not fish...hadn’t the Detective’s little urchin mentioned something like that? Oh, he couldn’t remember. Bloody huge, whales, but a nice enough creation.Wait. Why was he thinking about whales?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Buzzed

**Author's Note:**

> So! This is...just a scene. It’s not really connected to anything. BUT I love Neil Gaiman's novels so much, and because Lucifer is based on a character in his comics, there are lots of delightful little nods to his other works in the show. So I wanted to write a scene that had vague references to a couple more of Neil’s works: Good Omens (RIP Terry Pratchett) and American Gods. Neither one are referenced directly, more of a nod to each of the novels.
> 
> Honestly though, this is mostly just a chat between two drunk celestial bros.

“The thing is. The thing  _ is _ …”

What was this stuff? Mead, was it? Drink of the dads. Well, it was doing the trick. Lucifer was well and truly drunk. He squinted and then closed one eye, trying to focus on his brother as the room spun tilted and spun around them.

“Wahhsss the thing?” Amenadiel asked, scrunching his eyes closed and then opening them as wide as possible, as though that was somehow going to sober him up. Lucifer sloshed some more mead in their glasses and then lifted his own in a toast that sent half of the pale gold liquid spilling right back out.

“The thing  _ is— _ Dad’s here.”

Amenadiel exploded into what could only be described as giggles, and then Lucifer was laughing too, and they were leaning against one another and gasping for breath as their drunken mirth got the better of them.

“I know  _ that,  _ Luci,” Amenadiel said, sounding more Trixie’s age than his own. “I saw him, you know.”

“I knooowwww.” Dad, the room was really rolling now. Lucifer felt as though he was far out to sea. Maybe there would be whales out there. Big mammals, weren’t they? Not fish...hadn’t the Detective’s little urchin mentioned something like that? Oh, he couldn’t remember. Bloody huge, whales, but a nice enough creation.

Wait. Why was he thinking about whales?

“I saw him  _ first _ ,” Amenadiel stressed.

“Did you now?”

“‘Course. I’m first. Always first. Just how it is, Luci.” Amenadiel tried to lay a brotherly hand on Lucifer’s shoulder. He missed spectacularly and nearly face-planted into the piano bench. Lucifer snorted but then the room rolled in a particularly nauseating way and he found himself fighting to keep his own equilibrium.

What were they talking about?

Oh, right!

“And the thing is, I was having a...a  _ moment _ with the Detective—stay in focus, damn you—and Dad shows up and ruins it like he ruins everything and then he just...expects me to clean up the mess like always.”

“He doesn’t clean messes, Luci. He’s  _ Dad _ .”

“That’s exactly what I mean. Always poking around, messing with free will, an’ then he jusss...pops off, doesn’t he? And it’s on us to pick up the pieces.”

“Ineffable.” Amenadiel pronounced the word with pride, like it made any kind of sense in this context, and Lucifer peered at him. He tried to stick his finger in his brother’s chest but they were further apart on the bench than he’d expected and so he pitched awkwardly forward instead, his hand swiping through nothing until he regained his balance.

“What’s ineffable?”

Amenadiel shrugged. “Dad. His plan. It’s ineffable.”

“‘S stupid, is what it is.” Maybe he was pouting, maybe he wasn’t. But the ‘plan’—emphasis on the air quotes— _ was _ stupid. He scoffed. “Ineffable. Hate that word.”

“What’s the point of hating a word?”

His glass was empty. Had he drank all the mead already? The hangover was going to be legendary.

“Stupid word, stupid plan—everything he does is stupid.” Lucifer tipped the empty bottle of mead over his glass. Then he turned it completely upside down and gave it a few vigorous shakes, just in case there was more hidden inside somehow.

“Don’t say that, Luci—”

“Well it’s true!” Lucifer tried to spin toward Amenadiel but he misjudged it and tipped right off of the bench.

“You’re drunk,” Amenadiel said in that judgy, accusing way of his.

“Newsflash, brother—so are you.”

His brother made a face at that but didn’t argue. The room swam and Lucifer squeezed his eyes closed and tried to tag along with the ride.

“Speaking of plans, what’s yours in regards to Chloe?”

“What do you mean?”

“No one’s more relieved than I am that you’re finally happy, brother...but Dad is here, and Chloe wouldn’t exist if He didn’t have plans for her.”

“If he touches her or hers,” Lucifer said in a casual voice that was stunningly menacing, “I’ll start a brand new rebellion. And this time, I won’t lose.”

“Luci…”

“I mean in, Amenadiel.” Lucifer isn’t drunk any longer. The room stabilized and his stomach settled. He turned his blazing gaze to his older brother. “Whatever Dad’s plans, I will protect the Detective from them. I don’t care what it costs me, so long as his machinations exclude her.”

“What if they’re good plans?”

“They’re ineffable plans. You just said as much yourself. And Chloe and I will be just fine without any interference.”

“But...threatening a new rebellion, Luci?”

Luci’s lips pull back from his teeth. “He’s an old man. Ready to retire. So if he forces me to retaliate, I will—and I’ll win.”

“I’m...going to pretend this conversation never happened.”

“In that case, you’d better get us some more mead.”

**Author's Note:**

> Drink of the dads is a nod to drink of the gods, which is what mead is called in American Gods.


End file.
